Fallen
by nerwende90
Summary: From the moment he started to draw the symbol in his own blood, Castiel knew he would have to pay for his disobediance someday. ONESHOT No pairing.


_Bang._

I hear a noise I don't understand. I freeze, unsure as to what I should do. I see the man in front of me turn around and run away, as if he's scared of me. I tilt my head a little to the side as I try to process what has just happened. I look down at myself and I see a crimson spot on my shirt that grows wider by the second. I know for a fact that it should hurt, but I can't feel anything right now. I vaguely wonder if pain is to come. I suppose it is.

I hear someone running towards me. Then a voice pierces the blur I'm in and calls out my name. This is the moment my knees choose to betray me and I fall to the floor. I manage to roll onto my back and I am surprised by the amount of energy it took me. Someone is beside me, a hand is putting pressure on the wound and the voice is calling my name again. I try to answer, but it feels impossible right now.

Then, the pain shots up.

At first it's so bad that it blinds me. I hear someone screaming, only to discover it was me. Is this was dying feels like? Then I hope death will come swiftly, for I don't think I can hold much longer. Then it lessens ever so slightly and I try to remember how to breathe. My throat makes a weird sound as I gasp in long breaths. My friend is there, calling out his brother's name, telling me everything is gonna be okay. I can only look at his blurry face and give him the slightest of nods. I hope he understands what it means. I hope he knows that I'm sorry for failing him again.

It's only been two weeks that I have fallen for disobeying Zachariah, but I actually got used to being human. Eating, drinking, sleeping, even washing were unknown things I didn't know much about, but in the end they were not as annoying as I thought they'd be. Come to think of it, I kind of feel bad for Sam and Dean. They had to explain me how to do the simplest things and they had to hide me from the angels. Needless to say a death warrant was over my head, and I needed to be protected.

But of all the ways I thought I'd die, shot by a hunter was not one of them. I don't even blame that man. He was just manipulated by Zachariah. Manipulation was his specialty. He must have told him I was a demon. I don't know and I can't make myself care. Caring takes too much energy and mine is slowly running out.

Another wave of pain washes over me and I grit my teeth in order not to scream again. I know it scared them the first time, and even though I'm not their protector anymore, I'd like to spare them that if I can. I clench my fists, only to find out a hand has slipped into mine while my mind was wandering somewhere else. I look up and blink to dissipate the fog that blocks my vision. My eye's meet Sam's at the same time as my hand squeezes his. He gives me a reassuring nod while still talking into his cell phone. He's probably calling an ambulance.

God, please, make the pain stop.

I might have fallen but I'm still His son. A dedicated one. Doesn't that count for something? Where is His mercy? I have spent all my life serving Him, never discussing his orders. Is this what I get in return? The words _'God, why have you forsaken me?' _come to my mind. How appropriate.

I raise my head a little to look at Dean. The eldest Winchester has taken off his shirt and uses it as a compress. It's already drenched in blood. I can see his lips move and I force myself to focus on what he's saying. Finally I can make out a few words.

'_Cass… gonna… okay… just… awake.'_

Stay awake. That's what he said. I have to stay awake.

Of course it would be easier if I felt a little less numb. When did the numbness come? I realize for the first time that the pain's just stopped. I am not an expert in human health, but I'm sure it can't be good. I'm starting to feel cold too. I try to raise one of my shaky hands, but I literally can't lift a finger. That can't be right either.

I can feel myself falling. I know I am still lying on the ground, but it feels like the earth is opening and I'm falling into its depths. It frightens me.

'_Come on… don't you… on me… of a bitch!'_

I know they're afraid. I can tell it from the way Sam's hand tightened its grip and the way Dean's voice is getting more frantic. They can feel the end coming as well as I do, still they're trying to stop it. I want to tell them that everything is gonna be alright and that they shouldn't worry about me, but I know I won't be able to. So I just smile weakly at them and mouth my last word before welcoming darkness.

'_I'm sorry.'_

**The End.**

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_Love it? Hate it? Just tell me what you think._

nerwende


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